


Five Drunk Texts Aaron Didn't Send to Robert (and One He Did)

by miss_whimsy



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-15 21:30:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9258074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_whimsy/pseuds/miss_whimsy
Summary: Five messages Aaron didn't send to Robert - and a few he did.





	

**January 2015**

Aaron smiled for his mum and drank his beer and tried not to wish he was somewhere else.

Then he drank another beer because the first (third) one had gone down so easily that he’d finished it before Chas had even started her single glass of celebratory bubbly. 

And then he'd had another one because he honestly only felt mildly tipsy and if there was any night he was allowed to get drunk it was this one. 

His phone had stayed stubbornly silent no matter how many times he'd checked it. Adam had sent him a text earlier in the evening and then had obviously gone to bed. Aaron was starting to think he should do the same. 

He finished his drink as the bell rang for last orders and he stumbled off upstairs before he got roped into helping clear up the worst of the mess.

Flopping down onto his bed, Aaron took out his phone again and opened his messages, taking a couple of minutes to painstakingly type

_Happy New Year x_

It was innocent enough. Aaron could have sent it to everyone in his phone. Even the kiss on the end. He was drunk and it was new year. He was allowed to send a kiss. 

His finger hovered over Robert's name. 

What was he doing?

Robert would be in bed with his perfect fiancé, in his perfect house, after enjoying his perfect party and dreaming about his perfect life.

Robert wouldn't have given Aaron another thought after cancelling their plans. 

And Aaron was too drunk to pretend he didn't want Robert all to himself.

He shut his phone off completely and set it down on the bedside table, falling asleep before he could change his mind. 

 

**February 2015**

There was a message saved as a draft that had been in Aaron’s phone for as long as he could remember. 

He couldn't remember typing it and was grateful that he hadn't sent it.

Sometimes he lay in bed alone and stared at it, his heart racing and his eyes filling with tears he couldn't control, no matter how much he wanted to. 

He didn't want to love Robert. Falling in love with him was the stupidest thing he'd ever done. But how could he help himself? Robert was everything. 

Except his. 

_Please don't marry her._

He was quite impressed that his, clearly drunk, former-self had written “please”. Manners cost nothing. Edna would be proud of him. Well probably not, considering the message was begging an engaged man he was having an affair with not to get married. 

He wanted to send it. If it did nothing else, it would end this thing between them. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

So there it sat. Schrodinger’s text. Unsent it was both a beginning and an end. Either Robert would call off the wedding and be with Aaron or he would panic and break it off between them completely.

Aaron didn't delete it. Not even when he'd said the words aloud to Robert's face.

 

**November 2015**

Bar West is hot and loud and slightly overwhelming after so many nights in a cell, but Aaron doesn’t care. He’s here for one thing and he’s not leaving without it.

The bloke is a couple of inches too short, and his hair is too dark, but he buys Aaron a drink and Aaron thinks that maybe if he has enough of them then it won’t matter what he looks like.

An hour later and they’re stumbling outside and the guy is urging Aaron down the street, phone pressed against his ear to call a cab. Aaron needs this, he thinks as he follows him. Anonymous sex with someone he’ll never see again. Someone who will wipe Robert’s touch away from his skin, so that Robert won’t be the last person who touched him or kissed him or fucked him. 

But now the thought is there, weighing down on him even as he crawls into the cab and kisses the guy hard, uncaring of who sees. The thought that this isn’t Robert. The hands cupping his cheek and the back of his head are too small. The kisses are too tame. This bloke isn’t moaning breathlessly into Aaron’s mouth or pulling him closer or anything that would feel right. 

It all feels wrong.

“Stop the car,” he says and pushes the door open when it comes to halt, murmuring an apology to the man left stunned in the back of the taxi. 

It’s late by the time he gets home and he’s almost completely sober again. He crawls into bed and tries to stop thinking, but his mind is determined to remind him of Robert’s hands on his waist, and Robert’s lips on his neck. He’s hard and aching and this was exactly what he was trying to avoid when he went out in the first place.

He comes over his hand a few minutes later, his face buried in the pillow, gasping out Robert’s name. 

_I hate you_ he types into his phone once he’s cleaned himself up. _I hate you so much._

He doesn’t send it because he knows he couldn’t possibly hate Robert as much as he hates himself right then.

 

**December 2015**

Paddy was being really weird, even by his usual standards. He kept looking at his phone, then at Rhona who was yawning at the other end of the sofa. 

The film they'd been watching had just finished and Aaron realised belatedly that he might have ruined their Christmas night by joining them. Maybe they'd been planning something romantic. Maybe they'd been planning an early night. 

“I should get going,” he said, standing up and earning a frown from both Paddy and Rhona. 

“I thought you were staying,” Rhona said. “You brought a bag.”

“I'm in the way, though, aren't I?” Aaron said, zipping up his hoodie. “Spoiling your night.”

“Don't be daft,” Paddy said. “You know we love having you here.”

Rhona stood and patted Aaron’s cheek. “Maybe we're spoiling your night, though.” She yawned again. “I am so tired. I'm sorry. I have to go to bed. Merry Christmas, sweetheart.”

Aaron honestly hadn't thought something so simple could hurt that much. Why couldn't Rhona and Paddy have been his real parents? He'd have been loved and supported and safe. He watched Rhona go, turning his head away when Paddy stood too.

“There's plenty of booze so help yourself,” he said. “Are you really alright on the sofa?”

Aaron nodded. “Die Hard’s on after the news.”

“Right. And you’re sure you don't want to talk anymore? About your dad.”

“I'm sure.”

Paddy wished him a merry Christmas and followed Rhona up to bed. Aaron grabbed some beer from the fridge and tried to drink away the memories that seeing Gordon again had brought back. 

It didn't help; neither the alcohol nor the film was a big enough distraction. With Paddy and Rhona there he'd been able to quiet his mind, but now he was alone and he thought he was going to explode if he didn't do something. 

He pulled out his phone.

_I need you._

It would be stupid to send it. He didn't even know if Robert would agree to meet him, not after last week's angry, bitter words. But something told him that if he did send the text then Robert would come to him. That he would meet him at their barn or just pick him up in his car and they could drive away. He could forget all about the past, just for one night, and concentrate on Robert and how he made him feel.

After all, Robert buying the pub wasn't actually the worst thing that could happen, was it? 

Robert wasn't the worst thing that could happen to him.

He put his phone down on the floor, pushing it just out of reach. 

It wasn't a good idea. There were other ways to deal with the pain.

 

**February 2016**

Ireland was great. Just what he needed. A break from the village, a break from his past, a break from his mum looking at him as though he was about to shatter into a million pieces and trying to hide her own grief from him. 

No one here knew what had happened to him. He didn’t have to question what was behind everything they said to him or every expression on their faces. He could just sit in the pub on his own and have a drink, listen to the music and not worry about the way other people were worrying about him.

His phone beeped again and he knew before looking who the message would be from. Robert had been sending him regular texts, not pushing, not asking anything of him, just little things. There was always one waiting for him when he woke up that wished him a good morning and there was always one when he climbed into bed at night, telling him to sleep well. The rest were snapshots of Robert's day, something funny that Adam had said, the chat he’d had with Chas, the weather, what he was watching on TV.

Maybe he should have been angry about it, but for some reason having Robert treat him normally actually helped. Not that this was normal for them exactly. They’d never done this before. They’d never been friends. But now maybe they could be. Maybe someday, once everything was sorted out, once he felt in control again, maybe they could be more than friends.

Aaron shook his head to clear it. It wasn’t going to help to dwell on that. He’d given up imagining a happy life for him and Robert a long time ago. Too much had passed between them. So many lies and cruel words. 

And yet, he thought as he opened Robert’s text, he was still there. At home, waiting for Aaron, who had never once replied to any of the messages.

_I think Adam’s starting to like me. He just made me a cup of coffee and actually put sugar in it this time._

Aaron couldn’t stop the laugh the escaped him. He felt his eyes light up, could hear the hopeful lilt of Robert’s voice as though he was sitting right next to him. He hit reply without thinking about it and typed

_I miss you._

He did miss him. He missed him every day. Had always missed him every day, since the first day, because even when they’d been together a part of him had always been somewhere else. He wanted to say give me time and wait for me and thank you. 

His phone beeped again and Aaron deleted the reply he’d been about to send, settling in instead to read Robert’s running commentary of Adam and Victoria’s evening. 

 

**November 2016**

Adam had been begging Aaron for a night out for weeks, ever since he’d gotten out of hospital. 

“Just us.”

“Oh, did you hear that?” Vic had said to Robert in mock outrage. “Just them. And what’s wrong with us?”

Watching Adam trying to wriggle out of it while Vic maintained an unimpressed stare had been hilarious and Aaron and Robert had shared amused looks across the table until Adam had snapped.

“This! This is why! Look at them. I mean, I’m happy for them, God knows I am, but I just want to spend one night with my best mate where he’s not making googly eyes at your brother.”

Which was how Robert had ended up alone on Friday night, nursing a beer at the bar and pretending that he wasn’t waiting for Aaron to come home.

“Why don’t you go in the back and watch the telly?” Chas asked, during a quiet moment. 

“I’m fine,” Robert said. “I’m just enjoying my drink.”

“You’ve been working on the same pint for two hours. You are allowed another one you know.”

Robert shrugged and sighed gratefully when another customer demanded Chas’s attention. Maybe she was right, though. He could just as easily wait in the back or even in bed.

The text alert sounded on his phone and Robert grabbed it, pleased for the distraction.

He smiled when he saw it was from Aaron and opened it.

_i love you_

His grin widened and he bit his lip, turning away from the bar. He slid off the stool and stepped over to an empty booth, cradling the phone so no one else could catch a glimpse of the screen.

 _Having fun?_ he sent back, still smiling to himself.

_Yes_  
miss u  
your gorgeifs 

Robert chuckled silently.

_So are you_

It took a couple of minutes for the next set of messages to come through and Robert took the time to finish his beer and order another, winking at the curious look Chas gave him.

_Rob  
i wnat to marry u_

_Pick a day,_ Robert typed back, _and I’ll be there._

Another couple of minutes passed and Robert took his beer through to the back room for a little more privacy.

 _:)_  
_Adam says stop yectinh_  
_tell ting_  
_texting_  
_love you_  
  
Robert laughed again, feeling his heart swell happily just reading the words. 

_I love you too._


End file.
